Long enough

I’ve lived long enough to know the world’s events through the 60′s, 70′s, 80′s, 90′s, 2000′s, and through the writing of this blog posting.

I have known what it’s like to have nothing. I have known the benefits of hard work and 90+ hour workweek. I have known the wisdom of the elderly. The compassion of a friend. And the love of a great woman.

Of all the life lessons none compare to the memories of hearing that you (in this case I) am going to be a Father. Going to all of the OBGYN appointments. Waiting for the first kick/movement. Praying that the Mother and the child will be safe…and healthy. Being there when the baby is born and cutting the cord that bound it physically to it’s Mother. Holding the newborn in my arms while giving thanks go God. I have always put my hopes, dreams, and prayers into each of my children. I will never stop.

I’ve lived long enough to know that life isn’t fair. That bad things happen to good people. That a man is responsible for his actions, inactions, and his works. I learn new things routinely and I carry with me the burden(s) of regrets. I have had to face so much and the mistakes I have made…I’ll never make again.

I’ve lived long enough to lose a sister. A grandparent. A friend. And many others who I respected and cared about.

I’ve also lived long enough to know that the truth doesn’t always come out. That the government doesn’t always work. That relatives can let you down. That those you love can discard you. That people in positions of power are not always objective. That money (sadly) can buy influence…and more.

I’ve lived long enough to see seasons change. To see populations shift. To see the benefits of good Presidents and the senselessness of others.

I’ve lived long enough to have enjoyed snowfalls. The beauty of the leaves changing. The smell of fresh cut grass. The warmth of the sunlight. The breeze on a spring night. The stars arranged in the heavens proudly on display.

I’ve lived long enough to have ups and downs in my weight. In my life.

I’ve lived long enough to accept that (perhaps) I am meant to grow old alone.

I’ve lived long enough to know that a man has; his name, his word, and his reputation and that, when necessary, these are the things (along with family and loved ones and the innocent and those without) are worth fighting for.

I’ve lived long enough to see time. Time that goes by in days that lead into decades. Time that changes a man from within…and on the outside.

I’ve lived long enough to know failure. To know success. To know how much a true friend means. To know the heart break of losing the love of my life. The harsh reality that ones’ best days are behind and the remaining days are far fewer than those that have past.

I’ve lived long enough to be exhausted. To be sad. To be depressed. To be without. To read words written that are blatantly false and hurtful. Words, like memories and burdens, can cause the harshest wounds. Wounds that cannot heal on their own.

The summary of all of these things is that…I’ve lived long enough

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Knowing when to let go (by Jeff Schrembs)

Someone asked me today about marriage and moving on.
This is a subject that is bittersweet, difficult, and emotionally draining for me to discuss.

I’ve always believed that when a relationship ends that I wish all parties the ability, and the strength, to; move on, get their mind right, make changes in themselves for the better, learn from their mistakes, and have time to truly heal…and recover.

A relationship that allows distrust, anger, hurtful acts, etc. to fester is one that is doomed to fail. Sometimes it starts as an argument. Sometimes in the discovery of the written word. Other times it is when one person is not given what they need. Far too many times it is a failure to listen. To act. To communicate openly that includes everything that has transpired.

I’ve known the beauty of love. The effortless way that two people work in harmony. The very real feelings that are unmatched by anyone before….or after.

When do you know when to let go? I pondered that question and I came up with an answer that was  my truth and based upon my reflections and my life.

My answer was “when the other person desires to fly”. When they desire to find another.

The follow up question was “doesn’t the other person have a say?”. Yes I responded but sometimes a relationship is toxic and/or so painful that the only thing worse than leaving…is to stay.

As I made it clear that I didn’t want to continue this discussion I was asked one final question. It was “can a relationship that was good for so long and then deteriorated be reaffirmed”? That question caused me great pain(s) to answer so I respectfully declined other than to say “the person I loved stopped to exist – she changed – she longed for things outside of the marriage – she aligned herself with a world void of me – she asked things of me in public but acted contrary in private – she broke my heart”.

And yet I still hope, and pray, that she will find happiness. That whatever she was looking for she found. That she is happy with her decisions. That she is granted; happiness, good health, long life, and stability. That when she looks in the mirror, and/or reflects upon her decisions, that she likes what she sees and likes what she has become.

Each relationship is different. Though the parties lived through it their ideas, and memories, of what caused the relationship to end may be different. Their goals in life may have changed entirely. If I knew these answers then I wouldn’t be typing on a blog I would put it in print and the sales would rival “Fifty shades of grey”.

Fortunately there are positive outlets that are far removed from these difficult questions and the memories that are embedded in our mind, our heart, and in our soul.

I love this song and this video. I love the passion. And I wanted to share it.

Take care and may God bless you all.