MAN CARD (by Jeff Schrembs)

Well, well, well.

It seems, based upon the email(s), that my Rule # 2 (aka: description of women) contained in my article entitled “Rules for possessing a MAN CARD” hit a “nerve” with some “non-males”.

What part of Note: If you are female STOP READING NOW, which was the first line in my article, was unclear?

In full disclosure I LOVE women and I think most men would agree that women can be..,complicated. I don’t mean mathematical complications I mean Rubic Cube complicated. I mean infinity times ten complicated. I mean the Matrix Movies complicated. You get it. I know you do.

However, this article was for…men. I said it. Men.

Something only for men you ask? Answer = yes hence the title using the term “MAN CARD”. It’s a card for (real) men. No, it’s not a oxymoron. Let’s move along.

By the way what stalker methodology enabled so many “non-males” to decipher my personal email? I would hate to think that some of you are using basic technology to find me in this digital world.

Oh yeah, to those of you who emailed me (and FYI anonymous Gmail accounts are a “dime a dozen”) and then were brazen enough to ask if my Facebook photo was current and/or if it was really me would you really think that with a last name like Schrembs that I could get away with a fake self pic? Who does that?

Back to my point.

Who would object to being described as a combination of “Unicorns + Tinsel + Michelangelo”?
In the long past my bedtime, been up for more than 24 straight hours, sad, trying to distract moment whereby I decided to write an article I believe that my words painted a beautiful canvas that MEN would understand.

Verbatim (actually forget that verbatim stuff because I left off the first two lines because it is                              S    E    C   R   E  T “man stuff”) I said, in Rule # 2, that It’s a given that we don’t understand women so just nod your head, act like you are listening, and remember every other sentence they say should they “test” you. Women are complicated creatures so let’s think of them as a combination of; unicorns  (note: you are not to ever use the word “unicorn” other than if it is part of a bedtime story), tinsel, and paintings by Michelangelo. Unicorns as they are “magical and elusive creatures”. Tinsel as they are ‘sparkly”. Michelangelo because they are; beautiful, have depth, and are timeless”.

What woman doesn’t want to be thought of as “magical” or “beautiful” and/or “timeless”? Oh, I know. The less than 1% negative email authors (as the other 99% of emails I got ranged from “I love it” to “great story” to “right on” to “hilarious”).

With that said I wanted to issue this article as opposed to randomly answering emails.
Thus the lesson I’ve learned, and boy have I learned a lot these past few years, is that when one puts their thoughts out there the reactions run the gamut.

Nonetheless I wish everyone, including Budda– who was so kind to send me a series of  “semi-nude webcams” every 8 hours since I posted my original article, a MERRY CHRISTMAS 2012.

Until next time.

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